This is me. Helmizar.
Its been exactly 1 year 9 months 10 days since i got together with Melodee Tan Liping.
The relationship was so beautiful.
All the ups and downs we had.
It makes us stronger.
Eventually, the problems starts to come..
I am here..seeking redemption for all the mistakes i made in the relationship.
I have realized all the wrong that i have done.
I am here because i want to make things right.
I want to make the relationship as beautiful as it was when it just started.
I know i can.
I believe i can do it.
I admit i screwed up a lot of times and i admit there were times things got out of hand.
I wanna say i'm sorry for everything that i have done.
I wanna come clean.
I am done being that version of myself.
I have changed.
I am that Helmizar you got together with Melodee Tan Liping.
I am still deeply in love with you.
I am still crazy about you.
In fact, my love for you now is at its strongest point.
I Love you with all my heart Melodee Tan Liping.
Would you give me one last chance ?
I want us to be a lovely couple like how we use to be.
I read the Tagboard on our blog. Ever since from the very beginning.
Alot of our friends says we're sweet. Things was really beautiful then.
Before i started typing this post..I was reading all the post on this blog we shared.
I read each and every one of them.
I miss how things were. I miss you. I really miss you so much.
I Love you and I wanna marry you Melodee Tan Liping.
I saw one of the post you wrote..
'Fooyoo! I finally got a boyfriend who i love so much! And he loves me. =D
I can cancel out 1 of my wishes now. that someone would love me and i would love him in return.'
This is one more..
'The love of my life, HELMIZAR'

Melodee Tan Liping..
Please give me this final chance..
I want to make you smile and happy and in love again..
I am deeply in Love with you and i want things to be like how it was...
I Love You Melodee Tan Liping..
I will never let you go...
You're the Love Of My Life...
I Love you Melodee Tan Liping..
This was typed out by me on 31/08/08
'you're the first thing that is on my mind every single day .
while the birds are busy chirping their morning repertoire
i make my way to meet you so i can have u in my arms .
that girl who lives in tampines .
that girl who wears glasses .
that girl who has fair skin .
that girl whom i'm in love with .
i love you'
I still mean every word i typed..
I Love You Melodee Tan Liping..

ehh... okay last post was about being without any girl bestfriends, still feeling that way except now is worse cause i found out alot of new 'CHANGES" about them... so yeah. anyways, nice to know i'll always have helmizar, azhar, aaron and shiroro! =D Azhar right now is helping me out with my web cause i suck at flash like major big time! seriously!!! if not for him, i would prob fail my fyp and never be able to even get a slight chance into poly. =D so fyp is killing my wallet... wallet is already bleeding... $46 just flew away like that, and i suppose i need to spend at least another AT LEAST $30... so sian... christmas money to spend is going to be harder now... considering i dont have much. i roughly got an idea what to do for my sister, and brother.. well else for my parents, still contemplating... helmizar & azhar i know what to buy, there are a bunch of stuff they want.. Aaron and Shiroro are simple too.. most prob going to celelbrate christmas very much earlier with them cus aaron is going to fly away i think around 12? sad case..... well none of my current group celebrate before so hopefully it turns out well... btw, i dont know if sabrina and vivian would be joining... seems like they dont even have time for me nor school work.. esp since now in their lifes, they spend time with their boyfriends, smoking drinking, slacking and some clubbing... kinda disappoint at the amount of bad changes but what can i do about it? it is their life anyways, not like that listen to a single word i say. i know they dont care cause when i say anything, they kept quiet.. pretty much obvious. so i only can stand there, watching them walk and going to hit a wall, and just wave and wish them good luck! Well you know, i tried to be their friend but they im not their keep or anything so all i can do is wish them luck.... sigh* what to do?
anyways. fyp really killing me.. hopefully it gets better soon....
cheers

I just realise that i have always known what will happen, but i never learn my lesson and i continue to let myself get burned.. Only afew days ago, did i finally get slapped in the face by the Fugly Fact. I guess FF finally got tired of waiting around for me to finally realise it, so it got up and decided to slap me hard, forcing me to face the Fugly Fact right in the face. The odd and crazy stupid thing about this is that I knew about it, But i dont want to learn it. Im not sure if i would ever learn it, but i guess i have to learn it pretty damn soon that I'm just not ment to have any girl best friends. I suppose because i ask for alot in return and give little. Perhpes thats the reason why none of my girl best friends are being best friends.. Heck, they help me tons of ways and always try to be there, but sometimes i just wonder whether this is even any best friend-ship. Cause to me, it doesnt feel like 1. I seem to be able to get along better with guys, thats why i have afew guy best-friends. Maybe they can tahan my shit more, i dont know, but honestly, it would be nice to have a girl best friend... I would like to have 1.. maybe because im very senstive thats why i take some things too hard.. lol i dont know.. Sometimes just feel abit lonely without any girls around.. the guys are always there, but it would be nice to have a girl around to bitch with.. to tell girl stories, talk about boys etc etc... At least 1 good thing came out of today, i finally danced. and i love the feeling. i really do. i felt so free and myself.. Sometimes, when i get emotional, i look at myself and wonder what happened to me.. Like right now, i am being quite emotional. Anyways, Lots of stuff happened at home.. I wondering whether it will be over soon.. And i need some spark to make me jump for joy. i havent really been jumping for joy for very long. lol i feel like i can just cry sometimes for no freaking reason. Man, am i emo!

Cheers
PS. Still havent figured out what is wrong with me...

Melodee. I am writing this for you.
I Love You.
I trust you to know what to do.
Its the place i don't trust.
I cannot take the risk of losing you.
I really dont want to lose you.
I Love you so much.
I will say it now. i dont want you to go that place. please
i beg you . on my knees. please . its not a good place . its really not a good place . i let you cut me a million times everyday . hurt me in every possible way but not this please . i let you kick me in the face . i let you scold me every second but not this please . i beg of you please . Melodee please . i beg you now . please dont go . its not a good place . you dont hang out at this place. you love to play bowling. you like mindcafe . you like to watch movies. you like to sit at starbucks . you like to play arcade . you like to go ehub. you love to cuddle. you love to sit and talk about each other . you love to read. you love to eat and compare on how much food you need to eat. say who's the skinniest.you're always stress at your assignments though in the end you will complete everything beautifully . i love your expression when you saw dogs with their owners. i saw that smile . that face . i love you . your scent . the smell on your hair .


i know i have hurt you alot. i am sorry.
i know i am a loser. i am sorry
i know i am not as cool as others . i am sorry
i know i am not good looking . i am sorry
i know i havent been the best boyfriend for you . i am sorry
i know i've broken alot of promises . i am sorry
i know i havent make it up to you . i am sorry
i know i havent teach you to play the piano . i am sorry
i know you dont trust me or believe me anymore .
i hope you can give me a chance. i love you
i dont want to lose you . those places are not for you .


i'll change back to the Helmizar you knew.
i beg you please . a million times please . i beg you please..
dont hurt me this way...

ITs been so long... I spilled all my feelings on my other blog.. and all i can say here is, i feel lost, confused and sooo insecure... i know what it is to bring my spirts up, but i cant be the 1 doing it. lol. stupid way of life. i got to go bang head. laters!! happy holidays all.

Cheers,
Melodee

I love Helmizar!!!
although i didnt blog, hey? i still post here say i love him!

Anyways i would like to tell all of you, whoever who still reads, (which i think is very little cus we dont update much) that Helmizar is now been accepted to 1 band which happens to be very good. There is Band 1 and BAnd 2. and not many people can join in, however, his drum teacher (which im sure you guys would know who) have invited him to join Band 2 and challenged Helmizar to start learning to read nmusic notes better! I'm so very proud of him but, he dont feel as good about himself. He now thinks that he isnt as good as he ACTUALLY IS! He is also thinking of not joining the band because he is afriad he make his teacher lose face.
I've been trying to encoourage him, console and tryinjg to boost his confience up, however it isnt working. So I really think that if all of you guys could show try and boost his confience and tell him how good he is and most of all SUPPORT him in this, it would be a really great help for him, and i would really appeaciate it all!!! PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE!!! AND PLEASE HELP HIM OUT TOO!!!
Little note to helmizar, dont scold me for this. I'm only doing this cause you wont listen to me and i love you. This will help you and show you how good you are. And also to help you continue learning to read notes. =D

This is me. Helmizar.
Its been exactly 1 year 9 months 10 days since i got together with Melodee Tan Liping.
The relationship was so beautiful.
All the ups and downs we had.
It makes us stronger.
Eventually, the problems starts to come..
I am here..seeking redemption for all the mistakes i made in the relationship.
I have realized all the wrong that i have done.
I am here because i want to make things right.
I want to make the relationship as beautiful as it was when it just started.
I know i can.
I believe i can do it.
I admit i screwed up a lot of times and i admit there were times things got out of hand.
I wanna say i'm sorry for everything that i have done.
I wanna come clean.
I am done being that version of myself.
I have changed.
I am that Helmizar you got together with Melodee Tan Liping.
I am still deeply in love with you.
I am still crazy about you.
In fact, my love for you now is at its strongest point.
I Love you with all my heart Melodee Tan Liping.
Would you give me one last chance ?
I want us to be a lovely couple like how we use to be.
I read the Tagboard on our blog. Ever since from the very beginning.
Alot of our friends says we're sweet. Things was really beautiful then.
Before i started typing this post..I was reading all the post on this blog we shared.
I read each and every one of them.
I miss how things were. I miss you. I really miss you so much.
I Love you and I wanna marry you Melodee Tan Liping.
I saw one of the post you wrote..
'Fooyoo! I finally got a boyfriend who i love so much! And he loves me. =D
I can cancel out 1 of my wishes now. that someone would love me and i would love him in return.'
This is one more..
'The love of my life, HELMIZAR'

Melodee Tan Liping..
Please give me this final chance..
I want to make you smile and happy and in love again..
I am deeply in Love with you and i want things to be like how it was...
I Love You Melodee Tan Liping..
I will never let you go...
You're the Love Of My Life...
I Love you Melodee Tan Liping..
This was typed out by me on 31/08/08
'you're the first thing that is on my mind every single day .
while the birds are busy chirping their morning repertoire
i make my way to meet you so i can have u in my arms .
that girl who lives in tampines .
that girl who wears glasses .
that girl who has fair skin .
that girl whom i'm in love with .
i love you'
I still mean every word i typed..
I Love You Melodee Tan Liping..

ehh... okay last post was about being without any girl bestfriends, still feeling that way except now is worse cause i found out alot of new 'CHANGES" about them... so yeah. anyways, nice to know i'll always have helmizar, azhar, aaron and shiroro! =D Azhar right now is helping me out with my web cause i suck at flash like major big time! seriously!!! if not for him, i would prob fail my fyp and never be able to even get a slight chance into poly. =D so fyp is killing my wallet... wallet is already bleeding... $46 just flew away like that, and i suppose i need to spend at least another AT LEAST $30... so sian... christmas money to spend is going to be harder now... considering i dont have much. i roughly got an idea what to do for my sister, and brother.. well else for my parents, still contemplating... helmizar & azhar i know what to buy, there are a bunch of stuff they want.. Aaron and Shiroro are simple too.. most prob going to celelbrate christmas very much earlier with them cus aaron is going to fly away i think around 12? sad case..... well none of my current group celebrate before so hopefully it turns out well... btw, i dont know if sabrina and vivian would be joining... seems like they dont even have time for me nor school work.. esp since now in their lifes, they spend time with their boyfriends, smoking drinking, slacking and some clubbing... kinda disappoint at the amount of bad changes but what can i do about it? it is their life anyways, not like that listen to a single word i say. i know they dont care cause when i say anything, they kept quiet.. pretty much obvious. so i only can stand there, watching them walk and going to hit a wall, and just wave and wish them good luck! Well you know, i tried to be their friend but they im not their keep or anything so all i can do is wish them luck.... sigh* what to do?
anyways. fyp really killing me.. hopefully it gets better soon....
cheers

I just realise that i have always known what will happen, but i never learn my lesson and i continue to let myself get burned.. Only afew days ago, did i finally get slapped in the face by the Fugly Fact. I guess FF finally got tired of waiting around for me to finally realise it, so it got up and decided to slap me hard, forcing me to face the Fugly Fact right in the face. The odd and crazy stupid thing about this is that I knew about it, But i dont want to learn it. Im not sure if i would ever learn it, but i guess i have to learn it pretty damn soon that I'm just not ment to have any girl best friends. I suppose because i ask for alot in return and give little. Perhpes thats the reason why none of my girl best friends are being best friends.. Heck, they help me tons of ways and always try to be there, but sometimes i just wonder whether this is even any best friend-ship. Cause to me, it doesnt feel like 1. I seem to be able to get along better with guys, thats why i have afew guy best-friends. Maybe they can tahan my shit more, i dont know, but honestly, it would be nice to have a girl best friend... I would like to have 1.. maybe because im very senstive thats why i take some things too hard.. lol i dont know.. Sometimes just feel abit lonely without any girls around.. the guys are always there, but it would be nice to have a girl around to bitch with.. to tell girl stories, talk about boys etc etc... At least 1 good thing came out of today, i finally danced. and i love the feeling. i really do. i felt so free and myself.. Sometimes, when i get emotional, i look at myself and wonder what happened to me.. Like right now, i am being quite emotional. Anyways, Lots of stuff happened at home.. I wondering whether it will be over soon.. And i need some spark to make me jump for joy. i havent really been jumping for joy for very long. lol i feel like i can just cry sometimes for no freaking reason. Man, am i emo!

Cheers
PS. Still havent figured out what is wrong with me...

Melodee. I am writing this for you.
I Love You.
I trust you to know what to do.
Its the place i don't trust.
I cannot take the risk of losing you.
I really dont want to lose you.
I Love you so much.
I will say it now. i dont want you to go that place. please
i beg you . on my knees. please . its not a good place . its really not a good place . i let you cut me a million times everyday . hurt me in every possible way but not this please . i let you kick me in the face . i let you scold me every second but not this please . i beg of you please . Melodee please . i beg you now . please dont go . its not a good place . you dont hang out at this place. you love to play bowling. you like mindcafe . you like to watch movies. you like to sit at starbucks . you like to play arcade . you like to go ehub. you love to cuddle. you love to sit and talk about each other . you love to read. you love to eat and compare on how much food you need to eat. say who's the skinniest.you're always stress at your assignments though in the end you will complete everything beautifully . i love your expression when you saw dogs with their owners. i saw that smile . that face . i love you . your scent . the smell on your hair .


i know i have hurt you alot. i am sorry.
i know i am a loser. i am sorry
i know i am not as cool as others . i am sorry
i know i am not good looking . i am sorry
i know i havent been the best boyfriend for you . i am sorry
i know i've broken alot of promises . i am sorry
i know i havent make it up to you . i am sorry
i know i havent teach you to play the piano . i am sorry
i know you dont trust me or believe me anymore .
i hope you can give me a chance. i love you
i dont want to lose you . those places are not for you .


i'll change back to the Helmizar you knew.
i beg you please . a million times please . i beg you please..
dont hurt me this way...

ITs been so long... I spilled all my feelings on my other blog.. and all i can say here is, i feel lost, confused and sooo insecure... i know what it is to bring my spirts up, but i cant be the 1 doing it. lol. stupid way of life. i got to go bang head. laters!! happy holidays all.

Cheers,
Melodee

I love Helmizar!!!
although i didnt blog, hey? i still post here say i love him!

Anyways i would like to tell all of you, whoever who still reads, (which i think is very little cus we dont update much) that Helmizar is now been accepted to 1 band which happens to be very good. There is Band 1 and BAnd 2. and not many people can join in, however, his drum teacher (which im sure you guys would know who) have invited him to join Band 2 and challenged Helmizar to start learning to read nmusic notes better! I'm so very proud of him but, he dont feel as good about himself. He now thinks that he isnt as good as he ACTUALLY IS! He is also thinking of not joining the band because he is afriad he make his teacher lose face.
I've been trying to encoourage him, console and tryinjg to boost his confience up, however it isnt working. So I really think that if all of you guys could show try and boost his confience and tell him how good he is and most of all SUPPORT him in this, it would be a really great help for him, and i would really appeaciate it all!!! PLEASE HELP ME OUT HERE!!! AND PLEASE HELP HIM OUT TOO!!!
Little note to helmizar, dont scold me for this. I'm only doing this cause you wont listen to me and i love you. This will help you and show you how good you are. And also to help you continue learning to read notes. =D